THANK YOU FOR THE SCAR

Jacob worshiped as he leaned on his staff, according to Hebrews 11:21. It seems rather strange to include a detail of leaning on his staff as he worshiped. I know Jacob was an old man by then, and an old man might lean on his staff, but why didn't he worship lying in his bed, or worship as he coughed?

Suddenly it hits me: Jacob leaned on his staff because he had a limp! He got that limp years before, when he had wrestled with an angel and had "won." No, he didn't win the contest, but he held on through the pain of having his hip knocked out of socket, through the fear and the darkness, until the angel would tell him his name and would bless him. Then the angel told him that Jacob had wrestled with God and with man and had won. He was renamed Israel the day he got his limp. And Jacob's limp, and his now-necessary staff became symbols of his thanksgiving, and of his renewed relationship with God.

What about me? Do I have any scars from wrestling with God? Any emotional or physical defects that I have cried out to God over, that have nearly driven me from faith and trust? Any events that have hurt me deeply, and yet proved to be a turning point in my life? Any foolish sins of my youth that have left their permanent marks on my soul or body? If so, these are the marks of worship, even as they are the reminders of past suffering.

I do have some painful scars. I have physical traits that I had considered to be defects that have since become my special marks of God's ownership. They are messengers from Satan sent to humble me, and I cried out for God to remove them, but instead heard that God's grace is sufficient. Sufficient. And so today I stand as a worshiper, even as I look in the mirror.

And there have been some deep hurts, some so personal that I almost can't talk about them. They were dark nights for my soul, but they were the nights when God stayed and held me through the night until I could see the morning light. And so today when I remember the pains of the past, I stand in worship.

And yes, there have been some foolish sins of my past that still bring the memory of shame and guilt with them. And yet there on the IOU is written by the hand of God, PAID IN FULL. God's grace causes me to stand in worship, even as I lean upon those painful memories.

"LORD, my heart overflows when I lean on my staff. Those scars from the past are milemarkers along my highway of worship, and I am thankful even for them. I wouldn't want you to take them away, for they are reminders to me of Your overwhelming grace. Thank you for the scars. Thank you for the staff to sustain me. Thank You for Jesus, in whose name I praise You, Father. Amen."
-ker