TONGUE CANCER BEGINS IN THE HEART

I have noticed it creeping in, stealing my joy, making me tired, for several weeks now. But the doctor says there is a mass, and it is cancer.

I'm not sure how it started: maybe it was letting myself defend my reputation by focusing blame on someone else, maybe it was passing on a bad report to my wife, or in not interrupting someone who was complaining about another ministry. Or maybe it was in letting down my guard, being tired of doing ministry among people who have not changed, and letting myself grumble. Or maybe it was in dwelling on a fault I noticed in a saint, or feeling sorry for myself for being overworked and underappreciated.

I don't know where it started, but I've been allowing myself the luxury of nursing disappointment or hurt toward some saints, judging sinners, and talking bad about my brothers and sisters. From the fresh spring of my mouth of praise has come bitter water of cursing my brother.

Suddenly I am awakened to the truth that I have allowed myself to slide down the slippery slope, and back into the mire I came from. The Doctor says it is cancer of the tongue. He says it started in my heart. He says it's going to take a transplant, but that He has a new heart waiting for me, and we can do the surgery anytime. It will be painful, but will restore my life.

"LORD, deliver me! Clear my conscience and let me live an honorable life of integrity with my mouth and unconditional love with my heart. Forgive me for judging others, for not protecting them behind their backs. Please, God, remove this cancer from me and make me clean again. Give me courage to reconcile and to ask forgiveness--again--for the sins of my mouth. In Jesus' name. Amen."
-ker