LORDING IT OVER

1 Peter 5 is full of strong and encouraging admonitions, but the one phrase that has stood out to me over the last few days of reflection is this: elders are not to "lord it over" those entrusted to their care. Perhaps the attitude is the same as the practice of the Nicolaitans, whom Jesus despises. Obviously, at cciph we try to avoid exercising power over people. But are we being successful?

What is difficult for me is to find a balance. Paul encouraged Timothy by telling him that God has not given us the spirit of timidity, and that he was to teach "with all authority." Elders have "authority," meaning that they can "write laws" for others. The book of Hebrews tells us to obey our leaders, so there is such a thing as a "leader," who boldly goes somewhere before others do. So, how do I distinguish when I have crossed the line? Am I timid and needing to fearlessly exercise authority, or am I a control freak who lords it over those entrusted to my care?

What are the marks of a Nicolaitan, or of one who lords it over others? I suppose one mark is disallowing freedom by controlling some aspect of someone's life. If I tell someone that I know what is best and that they need to trust and yield to my opinion, I may have crossed the line.

A prophet may say hard things, but after doing so, must let the recipient respond. The role of a prophet is not to control the one to whom a message has been delivered. Likewise, when I pray for someone, sometimes God gives me a clear word for that person. I need to discern whether or not to speak that word, and when. And I need to protect the confidentiality and privacy of that person when I learn something secret about him or her.

I don't think that my feelings of love for the person should be my measuring stick. Controlling people believe that they sincerely love the person whom they are controlling. Perhaps the measuring stick is how I respond when they don't act on my counsel; am I irritated, or do I continue to love him or her?

There is a time for church discipline. We must discipline someone has been told clearly what is right, and they choose to disobey God. The difficulty for the leader is to know when it was proper biblical discipline, and when it was meddling into someone's private life and controlling their freedom.

Maybe the center of the issue is this: Jesus told me that if I want to be the leader of all, I must be the servant of all. Anyone I am trying to have authority over is the very person whom I need to serve. If I am allowing others to serve me, it's a mark that I am starting to "lord it over" those entrusted to my care. And if I serve someone with an attitude that he or she now "owes me" something, I have crossed over into manipulation.

"LORD, I still don't know quite how to know the difference. But I ask You, Wise One, to grant me boldness to lead and humility to let go. Let me be a servant of all, just as Jesus was the Servant of all. And make me Your follower. I ask it because Jesus set the example for me, and I know He commands it of me, and I need Your help to do it. Amen."
-ker