JACOB, MY ROLE MODEL?

Jacob is a strange and uncomfortable model for a Christian. He was ambitious and scheming from the start, and never seemed to repent of it. For that matter, he was never rebuked for it by God.

Jacob started his life grasping the heel of his older twin brother, and he never let go of his pursuit for blessing. He bribed his brother Esau with lentil stew and thus stole his birthright. Then he plotted with his mother's help to deceive his father and receive his brother's blessing. Having used his cunning to gain both Esau's birthright and blessing, Jacob fled for his life to one of his mother's relatives. There, he entered into several years of negotiations and work, which he leveraged into two wives, twelve sons and many sheep and goats. By then, Jacob needed to sneak away again, having yet again burned his bridges with relatives.

Jacob decides to return home and try to make things right with his brother. On the way, he learns that his brother is coming to meet him with 400 (armed?) men. Fearful that his relationship has escalated from jouvenile fistfights all the way to warfare, Jacob sends bribes ahead and hangs behind to see if they will work. Overnight, a man comes to Jacob, and for some reason Jacob picks a fight and wrestles with him. Wrestling uses every muscle, and they were both exhausted after only three minutes, yet the fight went on way past reason. The visitor even pops Jacob's hip out of socket, causing permanent injury, yet this ambitious grasper grapples on, all night. In the morning, the stranger says he must leave, and Jacob still will not let him go until he says, "Uncle." (In this case, until he blesses Jacob.) He doesn't even know the man's name, and he insists on getting blessed.

At this moment, God honors our anti-hero with a strange covenantal blessing. He reveals that this was, in fact, an angel that Jacob had been wrestling with all night, and that Jacob has won. From now on, he gets a new name (Israel) because he has wrestled with men (Esau and Laban, especially) and with God (this angel) and has won.

Yet, before Jacob was even born, he had a covenantal promise from God. In His supreme sovereignty, God Himself had chosen Jacob over Esau. Jacob's father didn't agree with God's choice and tried to follow tradition, but Jacob took God's promise to him seriously. He went after God's promise to him with all that he had. He was shrewd, he was always thinking, and he was incredibly ambitious. But maybe, just maybe, Jacob had godly motives in his hot pursuit of what God had told him was his.

So, as I wrestle with my own inner demons and motives, and as I debate over whether or not to pursue all-out the manifest destiny or the dream that God Himself has given me, maybe old Jacob/Israel really IS my hero. Without wavering, he went after what God had promised to give him. While I do a two-step (forward, backward, side to side), Israel ran competitively. He won a marathon, and I am still not sure whether I am in the race. So, which one is the man of faith?

Is it possible that I have been overly sensitive about my own motives? Should I still have pursued what God was calling me to do, WHILE wrestling with my motives, rather than waiting to move forward until I was pure in heart? Which is the man of faith?

"LORD, I am not pure in heart, but You have let me see You, just as You allowed Jacob to see You. And I am not sure about where my paths will lead, but You are. All I know is what You have told me to do. And so I say yes to You. Yes. Always yes. Forgive me for doubting, for holding back, for saying no or wait. In the name of Jesus, I say yes to You today."
-ker