PEACE IN THE FAMILY

Jesus came to give us peace with God, and peace with one another. Yet, surprisingly, peace is not the absence of conflict, but the resolution of it. I think sometimes I am afraid of conflict, and I avoid confrontation, thinking I am keeping the peace. But Jesus said that peacemakers will be called sons of God, not peacekeepers.

It is right to immediately forgive, choose love and mercy over judgment, and treat others with loving kindness. When someone strikes me on the cheek, I simply turn the other cheek. However, there is a time to stand, and I must not be afraid of that hour.

Jesus cleared the Temple, and was sometimes indignant with his disciples, and especially with the religious hypocrites of His day. Jesus talked about conflict management often. In fact, almost half of the verses of what Jesus says as recorded in Matthew 3-7 contain a negative message. He says, “Go away, Satan!” and “Repent!” He refers to people as “your enemy,” “an evil person,” “false prophets” and “hypocrites,” and tells how to deal with them. He talks about forgiving “those who have sinned against us,” and tells us to “stop judging others.” He says that he himself will someday say to some people, “I never knew you” and tells us that his Father “will not forgive your sins” if you do not forgive. And what about those letters to the churches in Revelation? If Jesus was not afraid to confront sin or to speak of conflict, neither should I.

There is a difference between constructive conflict and quarreling. The Bible says that “the servant must not quarrel.” (2 Tim 2:24) But I am to rebuke or correct others when necessary. How can I know the difference between conflict and quarreling? Probably mostly it is my motive. In a quarrel, the desire is to win (while someone else loses), to divide (any kingdom divided against itself will fall), to exaggerate and have hidden agendas (not technically lie, perhaps, but emphasize my perspective), and to pursue selfish ends (scheming to get what I want). Instead, I must seek the good of others, seek to reconcile, speak the truth in love, be completely above board, and desire to edify and build up the other person. When my motive is right, I will be working toward reconciliation rather than division.

I believe God is calling me to be a peacemaker, and that sometimes I have chosen the coward's way out and tried to be a peacekeeper instead. But history has taught me that a peacekeeper does not win anything, including a friend.

"LORD, make me wise to know when to speak and when to be silent. Let me clearly see who the enemy is, and do no damage to Your work on earth. In the name of my example, Jesus. Amen."
-ker