LIFE IS RELATIONAL

Some years ago I remember reading an article by Fred Smith about parenting. He was devastated to learn from his grown son that he had been a terrible model as a father. His son told him that he consciously wanted to do the opposite of what Fred Smith had done. Now, in most ways, Fred was an ideal Christian father. But his son said there was one thing his dad had never learned: "Life is relational, not productive."

Being a naturally task-oriented person, I noticed that comment. Life does not consist of how much I accomplish in the days I am here, but rather in how I treated the people who matter to me.

I have tried to parent consciously based on that insight. Being a father is about biology and law; being a dad is about relationships and love. I have tried, when I am aware of it, to remember to have a good relationship with my wife and children rather than getting chores done or perfunctorily doing my duty.

In fact, my relationship with God is like that, too. I can't earn salvation. We often say that Christianity is not a religion but a relationship. It's more about abiding in Christ than accomplishing for Him. It's a matter of Who I know, not what I do. I am saved, not because I have worked hard, but because I have abided in Christ.

There is a natural corrolary to this insight, of course: Church is relational, too. Unity is job one, commision is job two. We don't count or publish attendance figures on Sundays because those numbers are misleading. God is more concerned that we be one than that we be a hundred or a thousand.

All of this relational talk doesn't mean that there is no task to do. Jesus said that he was called to do the work of his Father. On the cross he said, "It is finished." The church is under a great commission, and there is a labor prompted by love before us as a congregation. Likewise, stuff of life must be done by me and by the family members. We can't sit around talking to each other all day and consider ourselves to be a well-balanced family.

That's what I'm talking about: balance. Finding it is like a fiddler on the roof. As for me, I guess I have come to an uneasy balance by being inwardly very driven and task-oriented, yet outwardly being amiable and relationship-focused. I am a type-A person with a type-B mask.

My sabbatical is bringing all of this strife for balance to the forefront. Am I healthy? Is my facade wise? Is my inner drivenness right? I am not convinced. In fact, I am convinced that largely I am missing it. More of me needs to surrender, that I might have deep and abiding peace while people distract me from my projects and goals.

Am I driven because God wired me that way, so I should embrace my ambitions? Or am I driven from a very deep-seated need for love? And do I focus on the needs of those around me because Jesus calls me to sacrifice for them? Or am I simply unable to say no out of a fear of men and a desire for acceptance? Oh, wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to Christ my Lord!

"LORD, You alone know what You have for me to do in any given day. Let me surrender fully and completely to Your will each day, without worrying about tomorrow and the overarching goals of my life. I will obey You, Father, who convey Your will through the example of the Son and the guidance of the Counselor, one God without end. Amen."
-ker