WHERE DOES ANGER COME FROM?

For the second time in just two days, I have heard my voice yelling at my son Anthony. I am shocked that such strong feelings overwhelm me from time to time, and even more so that I should have two attacks of screaming in such close order.

I like to think that any time I get angry, it is with righteous indignation. Acts of evil and rebellion, injustice and cruelty, these are the things that should make me angry because I see the world through God's eyes. Jesus cleared the temple; I yell at my son, right? No, I'm ashamed to say that my fits are due to seeing actions through my eyes only.

Anthony has the heart of an adult, but the maturity of a little boy. He wants so badly to be responsible, and, sure enough, he is so badly responsible. He wants to help with his little brothers, but he makes wrong choices, treats them roughly, does not follow through. Sometimes he acts like, well, a little kid. Oh, yeah, he is one. A hundred-pound gentle giant in the making. And rather than seeing his good heart and helping him learn how to channel those good intentions, I exhibit the very thing I never want to see in him.

When I want him to be a grown-up helper and he instead behaves like a little boy, it makes me angry. I'm angry at Anthony, I suppose. Impatient at his impatience. Maybe I'm angry at God. I don't know.

James asked this question about the source of anger. He said it comes from wanting something for selfish reasons. For my own selfish ends, I want my home to be a place of maturity and peace. Ironically, when it is not, I have made it worse. So much for getting my own way.

"LORD, let me want what You want, rather than insisting on my own timetable. Let me show Anthony the same patience and consistent love that You have shown me. I have felt Your conviction before, but it is always gentle and loving, affirming and compassionate. Forgive me once again through Jesus, and let me be the father that Antho-Bud needs and deserves, while there is still hope. Amen."
-ker